The Endangered Male

1st and foremost before all the feminists (and Njoki Chege aficionados) write this article off and come baying for my blood, please note that if you carefully assess the title of this post you will realize its target audience. I do encourage you though, to inhale the intoxicant called curiosity and feel free to read on just to see where it goes. I have your attention now, good.

So yeah, I really believe that as the human male species it’s high time we rose up and picked up that mantle, the mantle that gives us our place in society, the one that spells out who we are; why you may ask? I will get to that shortly.

One thing you got to admire in society’s woman of today is she has really come to birth (I finally used this phrase!) and broken the stereotypical chains that we knew from before. The phrase ‘independent woman’ has been thrown around and songs have been sung about her, she knows what she wants, society listens when she speaks, gentlemen pave way for her, she oozes confidence; portrayed in the sway of her step. Her main goal is to get what she wants as she prepares to build her future. Priority has been given to her and numerous opportunities stream in smoothly waiting to be taken. Academia has opened up nicely and slots have been increased to allow her to get that piece of education pie we hid from her all those years. The corporate world has reserved avenues strictly for her, she has her career set straight and even if she ventures into the entrepreneurial world her determination keeps her steps away from being a complete mogul. She got her own. She’s hasty to snatch up anything that will add her value and in turn this has turned her into quite the adaptive person in our modern day world. You can think of any other achievement (No, I don’t endorse socialites) geared towards our empowered woman; the list goes on and on.

This brings me to the plight of the young man which people rarely talk about. Most of us are knee deep in debt, borrowing huge unreasonable loans to buy sleek cars and flashy bikes all while you rent 35k per month apartments, with a 50k salary. Week in week out some of us have to be seen in those expensive bars with the suffix ‘lounge’ to make them look more classy, in the company of ‘beautiful’ ostentatiously dressed women, busy taking selfies & passing on hookah pipes while blowing smoke out the nose like an 18 wheeler: The good life, right? Others are busy funneling in money by the thousand into sports betting sites every day trying to ‘beat the bookies’ and win the Kes 20,000,000 jackpot, but we know who always laughs last in the gambling world. Some of us are really friends with their bottle; replacing their women (and/or families) and becoming deadbeats. The rest invest too much into the bottle and other lavish goods, but their houses are full of hand-me-down clothes & furniture. Others spend so much Kes. on the latest gadget out there (read iPhone) albeit the incessant pleas with the landlord not to lock the house after rent payment delays that run up to a week. Some are hooked on social media for the wrong reasons, blatantly seeking nudes and fornication exploits, spoiling things for the rest of us and allowing that derogatory term ‘fuckboy’ to be coined. Again, this list goes on and on. (I hope we’re together up to this point)

Why? Is it a status we try to maintain? What have we done to benefit ourselves? You’d wonder where we went wrong… and even as they say, ‘to err is human’? Well, not in this case. Now guys, don’t get it twisted, I am fully aware how we men are entangled in the above, I am a lover of life, a lover of good things. Some of these things seem unattainable and impossible to comprehend but I want us to reflect on one thing – priority. Consider all the above and gauge them alongside your goals against life (expectation vs. reality) chart. Is the following action preventing me from being the best I can be? Are you where you want to be? If you are, and this post has started to lose taste, feel free to go watch some more twerk videos on YouTube, sorry for wasting your time.

Guys, it’s high time we became the leaders we were destined to be, go out there, do shit that no one (including you) could have anticipated. Let us pick up a book and read, learn how to cook, take up that photography class, save up for a Master’s degree, save up for your kids, invest, join a SACCO, heck – start a Chama, drink responsibly (doesn’t involve joining those alcoblow groups on Telegram asking “wako wapi?” while you can barely stand to piss, let alone drive), travel the world, take up logical loans, set goals, learn to play the guitar, replace your torn pairs of socks/boxers, learn a foreign language, start a side hustle…  Most of us who are lucky, get that day job and have pay-slips smiling at you every month and you feel like you’re at your peak, or your biz flourishes and you land deals from here to Lodwar, that shouldn’t be your comfort zone; think about what an empowered man would do. Take charge. Now I’m usually not a fan of that phrase “What a man can do, a woman can do better”, I have no idea who came up with it, but when did it get to a point of comparison between the two? Why don’t you, as a man or you, as the woman strive to do your best? Football fans might relate but that is why I always stay away from ‘Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Messi, who is better’ debates. The strengths and weaknesses are pretty distinct in each don’t you agree?

To pen this off, I’ll share this excerpt (I usually ignore the long ones 😁) that my old lady sent via WhatsApp, totally worth a read.

“Dear Mother, please stop teaching your daughter that it’s her job to fix her man! Who will fix her, when she is busy fixing another? Mummy, stop telling her that she’s the home builder! Tell her that she will work hand in hand with her husband to build her home. Our society today is littered with over-burdened wives, mothers, sisters and daughters.  They are wearied, they are stressed and drained, from having to fix themselves and as well fix an adult who ought to be fixing himself and fixing things around the house. Look around you; you’ve succeeded in raising strong daughters and weak sons…. Sons who grew to become nonchalant men, men who rather feast while the women work. Ma’am, teach your son that it’s his job to provide for his family, totally, exclusively, that way, he won’t expect his woman to share family responsibilities with him. When such expectations aren’t there, he will very much appreciate any input she makes. Teach your son that he’s the sole protector of his home, which will make him not run off to chase pleasure with the idea that “my wife will handle it”. Mama, teach your son that loving his wife is a daily affair, and he must make her feel loved, in every sense of the word….

Dad, make your son understand that he’s not done anything for his children, until he loves their mother fully. Papa, raise your son, by loving his mother purely… When he sees you doing it right, he will do it more right in his marriage. Daddy, teach your son never to depend on a woman.  That way, he will never look at a woman as his support; he will put in all his best to be there for his family.

Mom and Dad, raise your sons, to be the picture of the husbands you desire for your daughters!”

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19 thoughts on “The Endangered Male

  1. Quite a piece Ian 👌.. I speak for the boy child too.. If we don’t empower them who will marry our daughters

  2. Mr. Wainaina, you are truly coming to birth (Even me I want to use this phrase)

    Nice read.

    Sasa weka “Life Coach” kwa CV.

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